Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
