Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I smell like Dick and happiness
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