Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
