I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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