when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
