Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
