Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
