i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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