you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
