did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We talked him into tasing himself.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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