I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize