If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
