Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
