I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
