Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
