Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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