Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
