i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
