I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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