I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize