u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
