with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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