R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
