uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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