How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
