like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
