matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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