my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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