i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
