I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
