and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
