I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
