I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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