everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
