On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize