You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
