p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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