pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
