It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
