Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
