hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
