well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
