I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
