rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
