I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
