I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
