You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
