and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
