so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
