we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
