what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize