And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
