You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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