He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
