If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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