dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
