plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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