I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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