So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize