my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
