As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
