I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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