When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
