Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
People in love make me want to vomit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
